This 👏is👏 how 👏you👏 write👏 lesbians👏 in 👏apocalypses. The moment I finished this book I turned to Renny to talk about it. I had feelings and I needed help to put a name to them, and who better to ask but my wife? Only problem was that I had trouble articulating what made this story so great. So here’s a rundown.

• Non-existent homophobia ✔️
• Palpable tension between characters ✔️
• Showcasing a disability in an unexpected genre ✔️
• Opposites attract/Grumpy-gills and Sunshine love story✔️
• Who, truly, is the lost puppy here? ✔️
• ‘Stronger than you think’ trope ✔️
• Healing each other, but like, in a healthy-ish way✔️
• Believable violence/action ✔️
• A character who stops trying to “rebuild” society and uses their head when measuring how “safe something truly can be ✔️✔️✔️ (cannot emphasize this enough. Like, JFC, why is this not more prevalent in this genre)

Were there some issues with spelling and grammar? Sure, but I was invested enough in the characters and their story that, for once, I didn’t mind them and it didn’t effect my opinion of the book. Some reviewers critique that there aren’t enough physical descriptors for the MCs, but again, I disagree—to me the focus was on the story and how the characters evolved with one another, not what they looked like. And frankly, it could have been on purpose since Maddie is blind! Forcing us to focus on the people and not their looks.

Now, about those people..

Saff gives off Catra vibes for me—well, not quite Catra, but close. They’re grumpy, sure, but that’s just the outward appearance they give to those who don’t pay attention. They’re both complicated women with a complicated past, unable to forgive themselves for what they’ve had to do to survive, and desperate for emotional support (and therapy) that they don’t even know they need. Saff is her own separate character, of course, and Maser makes that clear in many unique ways, but immediately associating their shared characteristics quickly endeared me to her.

And Maddie is just a ray of sunshine and a ball of fire! The way her chapters are written is another reason why this book stands out to me. The detail and, at times, the purposeful lack of them immersed me in the story so deeply that my brain kicked into overdrive to keep up. Imagining being in a world where those with all their senses still get surprised (and eaten) on the daily—and I do not have all my senses? Wild, to say the least.

When we first meet our leading ladies they aren’t exactly friends, but knowing this had some romance in it gave me hope that they’d be able to find some common ground early on—and I was not disappointed. Oh, not because they quickly broke each other out of their shells, no, I was ecstatic to find that they didn’t get along for some time. The anticipation of what was to come and how it would come about made every step of the way oh so satisfying.

The delightful feeling that would emanate from me every time Maddie would tease Saff, smirking quietly to herself for getting a rise out of her. The smirk I would have when Maddie saw through Saff’s tough exterior to see how thoughtful she was really being. I would roll my eyes and giggle each time Saff would find herself doing things that “Dad-brain” would scream at her for doing just because she had an unacknowledgeable need to care and watch out for Maddie without imposing on her individuality.

Saff and Maddie had a pull and push that drew me in close, waiting to ‘Eeep’ at the earliest signs of affection. I longed for Maddie’s small smiles when she got the upper hand, and I died any time Saff would gruffly say something to the effect of “I’m not doing this because I like you”—sure, girl. Sure. We definitely believed you.

Coupling this not-couple (that act like a couple) with the thrilling scenes of determinate survival was such a great move for Maser. Most books in this genre fall too hard to one side, focusing too much on the people and their relationships and not enough on the struggling-to-live side of things. It’s a pet peeve of mine when writers or directors present a story based in zombie-land and characters seemingly look for ways to get themselves killed. They try to justify their downright awful decisions in stupid ways or they ignore good advice in favor of pretending everything is okay.

Take the scene in Chapter 1, for example. Trapped in the pharmacy with Tyler and Maddie, Saff is busy holding the side door they entered through shut against a horde of zombies when Tyler starts unblocking the door leading out of the backroom they find themselves in. This door is barred closed by a filing cabinet that had been knocked over with several boxes stacked on top—so safe to say whoever knocked it over was likely trying to keep several somethings out of the backroom.

While Tyler is so dead-set on getting out of there that he’s chaotically throwing boxes to the floor and tugging on the file cabinet with all his might, Saff is the sole-thinker between the two and brings up the extremely good point that they “don’t know what’s behind that door.”—but does he stop? Naw, my guy is still manically trying to escape. He doesn’t even notice Saff’s fight with the zombies at the side door.

And later, when they make it to the new settlement—the one that’s been attacked by raiders but doesn’t allow anyone to carry weapons inside—and patrol the fence/wall. Freshly turned earth found fairly regularly on the side of the settlement someone was recently attacked? Ooooh no, don’t worry, that’s not weird at all. Nothing to worry about, silly Saff!

Unfortunately for us, both are realistic examples of people panicking or choosing to ignore a good point. In a real world situation, I’m sure many people would die in those and many other scenarios due to someone’s inability to calm down and listen to reason. Though frustrating to see, these scenes and many others give the book a sense of realism that was much appreciated.

Another realistic quality Hearing Red provided was how long it took our hardened MC, Saff, to finally acknowledge and give into her feelings for Maddie. Time and again Saff would convince herself that the choices she was making were smart choices meant to keep herself alive, but we knew better. Saff didn’t want to let go of Maddie, and with Maddie’s stuttering inability to hide her feelings from readers, it was only a matter of time before they sealed the deal. And oh boy, was it sealed.

When I realized we were getting a two-for-one deal on an intimate scene I was thrilled. I had been dragged along for this teasing ride for 407 pages. I had been taunted by an almost-scene 85 pages prior and there were only 125 pages left, so if there was going to be a scene then it had to happen soon. Tensions were high thanks to the reveal of Saff’s prior company (i.e. raiders) and Maddie was pissed (and injured). I was not expecting them to pick up so soon, but damn if it was satisfying to see Maddie play Saff like a fiddle. Luring her in close, spitting sweet words laced in venom, and finally, finally getting Saff to cave.

The two of them shared moments of love and softness once the initial high was over, and thankfully, Saff didn’t doddle for much longer before caving in completely and becoming the puppy we always knew she could be. Dutifully staying by Maddie’s side and helping design the escape plan to the island settlement, she was ready to let Maddie lock her down.

So imagine my surprise when she gets fucking shot. WHAT? I was the opposite of prepared for a ‘bury your gays’ moment, and I could not believe that in the midst of all this drama I forgot that they could die!

The twisting knife of Maddie’s first use of “baby” brought me to tears. Seemingly losing Saff, surrounded by danger, and so close to their goal, Maddie literally begged her to get up—and I lost it. My wife knows I’m a big baby, they know I cry easily, but being that it was past 11 at night and it was previously silent in our room, they did not expect a gasping sob to leave me as Maddie brokenly asked Saff not to leave her.

Even now, I find myself choking up a bit. I’m the idiot who’s brain immediately imagines my wife and I in the situation and I could not handle the idea of losing them—or worse, forcing them to survive without me (Note: my wife has repeatedly asked me to take them out if zombies are ever a thing, but I have convinced them to go along with my fictional survival plans because I am confident I could keep us safe.. So yeah, me dying and leaving them to fend for themselves would definitely be on my list of reasons why “If I wasn’t already dead, I would XX myself”.)

Thankfully, Maddie hangs in there, and eventually is found by her father and brother, who escort them safely to the pick-up point before they all escape to the island settlement. As soon as Chapter 49 started from Saff’s point of view I knew they had made it in time to save her. What impressed me the most though, was Maser’s very realistic interpretation of grieving—not grieving death, no, the grief you feel even after someone is “okay”.

Maddie is unable to process her feelings on what happened and is physically unable to keep herself from reacting when James and Josh offer future opportunities for Saff to leave Maddie’s side. Her pain is evident in the way she flinches and clings to Saff’s hand, and it broke my heart time and again—but I forgot Maddie is the more emotionally mature of the two, and they eventually talked it over. Even better, they eventually went on that date Maddie planned, and it was perfect.

Hearing Red was a joy to read. It was heartfelt, thrilling, and relatable in a way I had not experienced in a long time. Independently published books get a bad rep, but this one fixed that for me in many ways. The characters weren’t infallible, the setting was believable, and it gave light to a unique character that normally wouldn’t be featured in a book like this—or at least one that let them live. Nicole Maser did an excellent job and deserves incredible praise for Hearing Red, and I personally cannot wait to see what she does next.

If you enjoyed it half as much as I did, let us know down below. Did you find that Maser balanced the action and/or violence with the psychological and emotional aspects of the story as well as I did? What did you think of Maddie’s chapters, where limited senses kept me on edge?

Until next time!

“Horrendous renditions of Beyoncé” aside—no, scratch that—included, Take Her On was a super fun read. I love soccer, I love Enemies-to-Lovers, and I love books about lesbians, so I had absolutely no chance of not liking this book. That’s not to say I don’t have my critiques, but what I definitely didn’t have was a low libido at the end. Embarrassingly honest of me, I know.

Emily Wright is a guilty pleasure of mine. She writes simple and familiar themes in new ways, and she always has a surprise up her sleeve in terms of the intimacy scenes, so I had to give it a quick shout out. While some of the story could use some ironing out or added bulk, I finished the book in a day and had a great time, so I would count this as another win for Wright.

Maya Thomas is desperate for control in her life, and who could blame her? Fighting with her mom, struggling to cope with her Grandpa’s illness, closing in on the final year of university without a plan for what comes after—not to mention the thorn in her side named Jamie. This stressed out, fastidious, little lesbian is already struggling to cope with her responsibilities and relationships when her rival literally moves in next door.

Queue the walking ray of smug-sunshine.

Jamie Mellor was a pleasantly surprising addition to this story. When I hear “enemies to lovers” my mind conjures up an asshole with a secret heart of gold. And though Jamie definitely took a little too much pleasure in torturing poor Maya when invited over for tea, I was immediately intrigued by the depth of character shown during dinner. In most novels the author forces us to wait patiently before showing us the “mean” one’s cracks, but it is made clear very quickly that Jamie had some depth to her.

Their banter was by far the best part of this book, made better by Maya’s almost childish reactions to Jamie’s egging. They say the line between feelings of love and hate are thin, but boy are they paper-thin here. Maya is virtually obsessed with how much she “hates” Jamie, and Jamie is having the time of her god damn life annoying the hell out of Maya. It’s giving Adora and Catra vibes, it’s giving Harrowhark from Gideon the Ninth, it’s just giving.

As satisfying as their progression was, it was clear from the first moment we knew something was up with Jaime and her dad that it was going to be an ugly dip for our two leading ladies when the truth came out, but I had a hard time getting upset with Jaime for not bringing it up sooner. Though she should have broached the subject before their game against the Harriers, parental infidelity—with her teammates, no less—is not an easy subject to broach. I unfortunately have some experience in that category, and though it was revealed until over 30 years later, it affected my family dynamic deeply. I feel for Jaime in many ways, and I wish we were able to see more of her healing journey.

Though some of the chapters felt unfinished and some of the time skips were jarring, I understood why some scenes or details were misted over—the focus was always on Maya and Jamie. If it wasn’t about their progression, both as individuals and as a couple(of goofs in love) then it wasn’t included. Would I have liked a little more from Jaime? Yes. Could I have used some of those extra scenes to round out the book? Absolutely. But in the end, I was satisfied nonetheless.

Speaking of satisfied.. I was pleasantly surprised to find Maya taking the more dominant role in their sexual relationship. I find the heteronormativity of the “short-haired one takes control” played out so often that I apparently expected it? (Something I will be working on adjusting about myself)

Not only was it incredibly steamy, but Jamie was having the time of her life. And steam aside, it made for a great emotional climax (pun not intended) when Maya finally let Jaime take the reins. Maya’s control issues aren’t the worst I’ve seen, but as a fellow control freak I understood how much it meant for her to truly let go like that. The journey to that point was long enough to make it extra sweet and soft.

Take Her On by Emily Wright was a fun, joyful, and spicy twist on the enemies—ehrm—rivals to lovers trope that I enjoyed immensely, and though some feedback was required, I hope you felt the same! Start a discussion down below whether or not you agree and we’ll keep this ball rollin’.

‘Till next time!

When I decided to reread Of Fire and Stars I was excited, because I had a foggy recollection of the book and it’s twists and turns. But when I picked up Of Ice and Shadows for a second go-round I couldn’t remember much about it. Even while I was reading it and predicting plot points, I never had a sense of deja vu. And now I know why.

I had fun reading OIaS, but what I didn’t have was literally any other kind of emotion. I didn’t giggle when Denna and Mare were cute, I didn’t gasp when something unexpected happened.. HECK! Nothing unexpected happened! Except how unex-fucking-pectedly we skipped right over the only interesting plot points in the book.

Denna going to Corovja was a turning point where we could finally see what she had become without Mare by her side. She was going to learn about her Affinity and learn how to maybe not accidentally injure people all the time. Instead, Denna and Mare (separately) open these awesome looking doors marked “There are more than 6 gods” and “Zumorda used to worship them” and “The queen is a bajillion years old” and the list goes on and on.

We are given so many doors that lead to so many questions. And other doors that pump us up for later chapters (i.e. the Midwinter Revel) only to be glossed over like they’re One Punch Man (Guy who wins with one punch, but oh no a bigger baddie, what will he do. Punch > Them = yay) or the Flash (Guy who runs fast. Oh man, there is a big baddie who is also fast/strong, what will he do? Must. Run. Faster. Oh wow, that did the trick! = yay!).

Animations aside, Denna’s bond with Invasya, which should have been pivotal, is glossed over, making the queen’s influence on Denna seem superficial. What should have been a compelling mentorship feels like a missed opportunity to add richness to Denna’s storyline. The Revel is skippable, plainly due to how overpowered Denna is, but also because the flicker of “Oh gosh, is she being mind controlled by the queen” is quickly shut down when Denna tells her to fuck off and leaves.

I struggle for words to describe how it makes me feel. Maybe we missed something, let’s see: write an all powerful queen, one who is literally thousands of years old and can absorb other people’s powers against their will. One who is not only fascinated, but related to our main character, and quite literally in her head. And this same all powerful queen is just like, “Mmk, see ya later sweetie!” before waiting around for Denna to come back to her?

If written differently, that could have been SUCH a power move, but instead I’m left questioning what the heck I’m reading. I get so caught up waiting for something of value to happen that I’m left deeply disappointed because it’s just another let-down in a pile of let-downs. I get signs that it’s coming, and then it’s over before I know it.

The final example of this was when I was waiting for the reveal of the true villain.

I can admit that what I was really waiting for was a return of the flaming falling stars that Denna threw down at the end of book 1. Once Zhari was revealed as a demi-god though? OOF, I was more than a little concerned. So imagine my surprise when we finally get an all-out battle! Ahh! It’s happening! A fallen friend, a powerful foe, a—sword in the back? WHAT.

I know it’s a callback to the time Denna throat-punched that bitchy magician in chapter 14. I know it’s supposed to be an “aha” moment for readers, that even the most powerful among us can forget the simplest of things. But, seriously? All this hype, all the possibilities, and we went with “Mare slowly sneaks around behind the big-baddie and stabs her. The end”. At least give me a dope line!

I’m screaming for an Eowyn style “I am no man“, or a “Winter came for House Frey” from Mare—who would have deserved a revenge line for the death of not one, but TWO of her family members. Instead, within 2 paragraphs of chapter 29 we get a single stab and it’s over. It happened so quickly, I went back and read it again, thinking I had skipped a chapter, or a page at least. I had some criticism for the book, but once I read Zhari’s downfall I knew that the book had been virtually ruined for me.

Prior to this, I may have given the book a 3—perfectly neutral, had a good time, but likely wouldn’t read it again—but now I’m left feeling almost angry that I have to drop the score another half-star.

With my mood ruined, and the rest of the ending feeling rushed, I hardly remember having any thoughts about the last few chapters. When the Queen offers to team up with Denna, who begins to glow (we just passed right over that too, eh?). When Mare and Denna finally share a kiss after being separated for so long. Even when Mare gets in contact with Thandi and let’s him know Denna is alive, I had almost no opinions on what was said.

I’m having a hard time even thinking of things to say now, if I’m being honest. I know the reviews range wildly for some YA books, and I never thought I’d be on the “party-pooper” side of things, but here I am. Thanks Of Ice and Shadows!

If you’re a fan of finishing series, this book hopefully did you more justice than it did me. I’m never one to turn down debates on books though, so no matter if you agree with our assessment or not, we’d love to hear what you thought in the comments below.

Now off we go, to the next adventure!

We open up on a party, alcohol everywhere and sweating bodies bumpin’. (For real though, the heat here in Arizona is insane. Everyone makes fun of us for it here in the States, but I literally stepped outside the other day and thought, “Oh wow, it’s so nice out! Must be cooling down, finally” before looking at my Weather App and realizing it was 101° Fahrenheit outside. – Just throwin’ it out there..)

Wendy immediately let’s us know her opinions on the party being thrown. And that opinion is that it sucks. Shitty seltzer, shitty exes, shitty weather, and a shitty-ass bug—one that admittedly does a pretty good job at foreshadowing TBH.

We are introduced to Beau and Sunshine, two of my favorite characters, which ceases my eye-rolling and gets me interested in what everyone’s story is. Soon thereafter, an introduction to Leah, Sam, and Aurelia (another favorite of mine) is given alongside some necessary context for the icy conversations they had regarding the LGBTQ+ Heath Center that is opening up. But before we can move along, Wendy has a breakdown in a bathroom—the first of many throughout this book.

She admits that her relationship with Leah has been over for 6 months. Not only has it been over for 6 months, but the use of the word “nuked” was used, which immediately set off my red flag alarm. No one moans over a breakup after that long unless they are guilty of something, and that certainly seemed to be the case there. Wendy’s inner monologue and general portrayal often feels like a stereotype of a lovesick, indecisive bisexual, detracting from what could have been a more nuanced and relatable character. While her development by the end of the book is commendable, the journey there is littered with eye-roll-worthy moments that test the reader’s patience.

For example: Wendy’s character is, unfortunately and without a fucking doubt, the weakest link. Her constant obsession with her ex and her inability to focus on the more pressing issue of, oh I don’t know, surviving a zombie apocalypse, quickly became frustrating and repeatedly pulled me out of the story. On more than one occasion I found myself groaning aloud before complaining to my wife about the truly idiotic choices she made.

On the other hand, side characters like Sunshine and Aurelia shine bright. They add much-needed color and personality to the story—not to mention some extremely useful survival skills. It’s these characters that give The Z Word its heart, transforming the narrative into more than just a zombie tale.

The skills they bring to the table are invaluable to the groups survival. Though Sunshine isn’t fully involved until the latter half of the book, Aurelia is in the deep-end with Wendy as soon as the drag show at Hellrazers starts popping off. Her ability to compartmentalize emotions to further her chances of survival is not only commendable, but familiar, without coming off as robotic. She may be shaking and on the verge of tears at times, but she will be damned if she lets herself get killed.

Ever the double-edged sword though, other side characters end up being part of the problem with The Z Word. Characters, like Leah and Logan felt underdeveloped, leaving me wanting more interaction and deeper relationships. Leah was a stone-cold bitch from my perspective. Just the biggest fucking red-flag you’ve ever seen. Maybe it’s due to my experience with people like Leah, but I saw her BS from a mile away, so I couldn’t bring myself to care when she started softening up. (Though I will say Wendy did stop whining as much when she and Leah were on more friendly terms)

Logan, on the other hand, was a delight. I truly felt it was a shame that he wasn’t given a bit more to work with in The Z Word. It’s true he did get to perform for us, and took out a number of zombies, but I wanted more from him and more for him. The combination of these characters and their quirky antics means the “found family” theme is present but lacks the emotional punch needed to fully invest in these connections. I had strong favorites fairly quickly, and it showed.

However, characters were not the shining star for this book. There were two unique choices that I found incredibly compelling—the semi-coherent awareness the recently turned had in the presence of their loved ones and the chapters written from the perspective of the recently deceased.

It was startling at first, since Sam was our first true exposure to this interesting twist in writing (Mike was kind of number 1, but he wasn’t truly dead/infected yet). Sam was bleeding out, and like any other human bleeding out, she was not all-there in the head. So when Aurelia is found on the sidewalk instead of in the car watching over Sam, Wendy rightfully checks through the window to see if Sam really had turned. And let me say, she was a little convincing at first. Obviously, I won’t fall for that shit since I know what this book is about, but I can see why Wendy was immediately questioning why Aurelia was so upset. Sam was talking. Sam was making sense-ish. Sam was concerned about Aurelia.. For a second. And then, a switch flips, and there’s the monster we’ve been waiting for. Manic, wide-eyed, and violent.

I don’t blame Wendy for calling 9-1-1 to try and get her some help. I know better, but I don’t blame her. I do, however, blame the shitty fucking cops who shot Sam. Rationally, I know they can’t do anything about Sam. All they can do is put her down so she doesn’t hurt anyone else. Call it a necessary evil if you want, I don’t care. What I do care about is that Aurelia, her wife, had to witness it. I do care about their attitude and inability to de-escalate the situation when Aurelia is rightfully distraught over it. “Cruel apathy” was the phrase Wendy used to describe how the female police officer spoke to Aurelia, and she was right. Fuck. Them.

Eventually, readers are given the truth about what’s happening via Leah. And when I say via Leah, I mean she says the words that every other zombie-horror character wishes they could say, “..I just gave myself the antidote”. She gave herself.. The antidote? Holy shit. Somehow her red flag is not large enough, somehow she needs one 10-times bigger, because this bitch has the antidote. She knew what caused the zombification of her community, she knew who caused it, and worse, she had the antidote because she was in on it.

This was a twist I did not expect. I pegged Seabrook as the culprit, for sure, but Leah? Leah fucking the lady in charge of the Seabrook sponsorship? Naw, that was unexpected for sure. And I’ll hand it to Seabrook, it was a good plan. Incite violence, make themselves out to be the savior of the gays when they swoop in with the Health Center, give the Homophobic politicians ammo to shut down Pride parades everywhere, AND they still make a profit? Shitty, but solid plan.

But by the time we get to the big fight, the fireworks, the flaming bodies, and the death of Leah via an explosion at the brewery, it’s all old news. I want to know how we’re wrapping this up. How are we getting back at Seabrook? Well, we don’t. We get a time-skip, and absolutely no repercussions for the company that pushed a small town in Arizona into an overbaked apocalyptic wasteland (a wasteland that still has pizza thanks to Sunshine). And worse, we get a casual “Let’s do this” as our parting words from Wendy, as the remaining group heads off to kill another zombie lurking outside Beau’s house, their new base.

But I am a forgiving reader, and I still had a lot of fun reading this book, although that ending was atrocious. To me, it felt like Lindsay King-Miller had some other chores to do around the house so she left us with what I’m sure was supposed to be an intriguing “See they have it together, because they are together!”—but that just doesn’t cut it for me. Had it been more well rounded, it may have deserved that extra half-star, but as is, it was a fun ride that I will not likely read again.

Nonetheless, I do recommend this book for readers interested in seeing the chaotic, queer side of the apocalypse! Tell us what you thought about The Z Word by Lindsay King-Miller down below in the comments! Was Wendy as annoying as I thought she was? Did you peg Leah’s red flag as quickly as I did? We want to know! See you all next time 💖

This novel isn’t just a fairy tale—it’s a story that unapologetically centers queer love, magic, and the tough choices that define us. From the first page, it’s easy to see why this book has been reviewed time and again by WLW romance and fantasy lovers alike.

Yes, technically the plot revolves around the betrothal of Denna and Thandi, a political move meant to strengthen alliances between their two kingdoms. But Denna’s (forbidden) magic affinity for fire almost immediately (and then repeatedly) threatens that promise. Speaking of immediately, Mare enters the story fairly quickly (more like she Spartan kicks the door down), as a bratty good-for-nothing who’s as skilled with horses as she is with breaking the rules *finger guns*. From the first moment they lock eyes, we know this is no insta-love situation, for which I am extremely thankful. Mare is a bit of a dick TBH, but it lends some character to the story that is juuuust right for my tastes. Their romance blossoms organically, with the kind of slow-burn tension that will have you screaming, “Just kiss already!”.

The absence of societal prejudice (Shoutout #2, Coulthurst, for the righteously absent bigotry we could have been given) allows the focus to be on the emotional and political stakes of Denna and Mare’s relationship—after all, it’s complicated enough that Denna is engaged to Mare’s brother and his sweaty-ass lips *gag*. The representation here feels authentic and thoughtful, providing readers with a narrative that validates queer love without the baggage of external judgment. The result? A universe where anyone could imagine themselves as a hero, loved for who they are. The cost? Priceless..-err, I mean, whatever the book costs. Or whatever a library card costs. IDK.

If I’m being honest with myself, I’m not reading the book for the world-building, pacing, or magic system. I’m here for the lesbians! (Note: the characters are not defined as lesbians, I just shout “lesbians” when two ladies do something gay, like say, fall in love for example.)

For a YA fantasy, this book does an excellent job balancing action with emotional depth. Sure, some plot points are predictable (I mean, who didn’t see that villain coming?.. I mean, I definitely didn’t incorrectly tag the incredibly sweet and thoughtful Uncle Cas before he got-GOT by that arrow.. Okay I did, but then I IMMEDIATELY pegged Kriantz), but the genuine chemistry between Denna and Mare makes up for any narrative clichés, IMO. And when it comes to the intimacy scenes? Let’s just say Coulthurst strikes a perfect balance between tasteful and tantalizing, proving that YA can handle queer romance with nuance and respect.

Speaking of intimacy, may I just say that the intimate scene between Denna and Mare was chef’s-kiss? I clutch my goddamn pearls when WLW scenes use the “reached between my legs” line, UGH! Somehow so subtle and so suggestive, it has me giggling.

The climax of Of Fire and Stars (pun intended) brings tension to a boiling point when Denna and Mare are discovered in bed together by Thandi. Thandi’s reaction is surprisingly restrained, likely due to the King banging on Death’s door, but the atmosphere is thick with unspoken emotions. IMO, I felt that Denna was too overwhelmed with shame to truly do anything while Mare and Thandi argued. Whether it was because she was finally feeling the weight of the lifelong expectations that had been thrusted upon her or from feeling true genuine happiness for the first time in her life at the expense of her familial duties.

Mare, seething with bitterness, is quick to leave (with the help of the guards hauling her out) when Thandi finally loses his temper. The scene is raw, and emotionally charged to say the least. Highlighted by Thandi breaking down in Denna’s lap, unable to find the words to express his hurt and confusion. Denna is wracked with guilt as the horns bellow the news that the King passed from his injuries.

While he doesn’t directly forbid their relationship to Denna’s face, Thandi’s silent punishment comes in the form of filling Denna’s schedule with meaningless duties and straight-up confining Mare to her room, definitively keeping the two princesses apart.

This heart-wrenching moment coupled with the loss of the King (pretty fucked up that Mare didn’t even get to see him thanks to Thandi) marks a turning point, forcing Denna and Mare to confront the reality of their situation and the sacrifices they may have to make for their love. Though Denna still debates what actions she can take, it all comes crashing down when Thandi has the Directorate vote to push up the wedding to the upcoming praise day.

As the wedding grows closer, Evil guy has his eyes set on Mare and Denna’s mom finally makes an appearance (too little too late). When tempers rise between Mare and Thandi, Mare storms out of a fancy dinner and attempts to suck the soul out of Denna via her mouth. I’ll be damned if I didn’t squeak a little when I read it.

But it was one hell of a kiss and Denna runs after Mare—who runs right into Kriantz. Queue the death of Nils, who should have had more ‘screentime’ IMO, and the chase is on! Denna knows the fastest way to save Mare is to get Thandi, but much to NO ONE’S surprise he is a little bitch about it, which means we finally finally get to see Denna lose her cool. She sets a chair on fire, (essentially) tells Thandi to “fuck off”, and takes Flicker and a gaggle of imprisoned magic users and gallops after the carriage holding her love.

The goosebumps that ensued when Denna stepped into the light of the carriage was everything to me. The best line of the whole book, “I’ve come for her.” brought a smile to my face. Knowing Kriantz was gonna get-got left me feeling soooo satisfied.

Although the ending felt a bit rushed, I still give credit to Audrey for this scene. As a reader, it gave me smug satisfaction that the last thing Kriantz did was underestimate our girl because she was a girl, a princess, and what could a princess really do in a situation like this?

Murder. That’s what she did. Sweet, sweet revenge murder. And I am here for it!

When our ladies are finally reunited a plan is made to fake Denna’s death so they can ride off into Zumorda to get her training (and so they can get some more lovin’). Thandi is put in his place one last time, and he owns up to all that he did. Thankfully, in his last moments of the book he gives the choice of what should be done to Mare. And she chooses become an ambassador to Zumorda in order to get help reigning in the Sonnenbornes and quelling any future coups they may have planned.

Denna and Mare ride off into the sunset (sunrise) together, departing for Zumorda and whatever else their hearts desire. I had a fun time reading this, and though it could have used some edits IMO I can’t begrudge it. Combine a sappy Sapphic star-crossed lovers story with some stereotype breaking and I’m a satisfied customer!

Let us know what you thought of Denna and Mare’s journey in the comments below.

As I opened Annie on My Mind I was immediately transported back to Eight grade. Walking past a nook in Half Price Books comprised mostly of ‘Self Help’ garbage, I used my peripherals to ensure my mom was nowhere near before casually, casually perusing the wares. My mom had always been a fan of those Chicken Soup for the Soul books, every birthday and Christmas brought a new one, so I had an excellent cover story.

You see, tucked away in those stacks of 2000’s diet books, buried in the far bottom corner was the ‘LGBT’ section. At most, it held 30 books. Mostly thin novellas, some artsy pieces that were beyond my understanding I’m sure. But among those underrated gems, sat AoMM. With a nervous glance down the aisle and sweat on my brow I glanced at the cover, feeling warmth in my chest and ice in my belly.

You would think for all the sweat I perspired that my second attempt to come out a year later would have gone horribly, but no, I was one of the lucky ones. Nonetheless, I was pre-closetfreedom and STRESSED, but with my amazing acting skills (or rather, a busy mom lugging 15-odd books for her children with loving exhaustion in her eyes) I was able to purchase this holy relic and bring it back to my cave.

Annie on My Mind was my first look at first love. I was closer in age to both the titular and main character back then, but I can assure you that those same frantic, fuzzy feelings came back 16 years later. The book begins with Liza “present day” thinking back on her time with Annie a year prior.

Though I admit, the first chapter had me cringing at the pure adolescent freedom both characters displayed in the Metropolitan Museum of Art, I soon realized I needed to reset my mind to that of my pubescent self. The careless, thoughtless, truly free self that loudly laughed in quiet museums. The self that wore outfits all the rage – one’s that definitely did not go out of fashion, yes yes.

The moment that tripped me was the play fight in the Hall of Arms and Armor. As an adult, I felt embarrassed for a moment, before quickly remembering how immature I became the last time I met up with old school friends. A wave of mortification rolled over me, and I quickly righted my judgements and consciously forced myself to fall back into my 17 year-old thoughts.

Liza Winthrop and Annie Kenyon are 17 and they. have. feelings. Like, right away! As a seasoned-gay, I could see the signs from a mile out, but what really sealed it was the first time they looked, really looked at one another in the Hall of Arms and Armor.

“.. for a moment or two I don’t think I could have told anyone my name, let alone where I was”

-Liza

The shock she experienced is something I’m familiar with. The stunned awe you feel, your heart dropping in your chest before loudly booming at an accelerated rate as your eyes meet. Ahh, first love… amiright?

When Liza attended a disciplinary hearing with her friend Sally for failing to report Sally for piercing student’s ears, I felt the inherent need to rebel bubbling up in my chest. Reading what went down and having to even be aware of Mrs. Poindexter’s presence in the story was hard work. IMO it doesn’t matter if you’re older, or if you’re the headmistress, you earn my respect. And Poindexter? Nah. She didn’t move my respect meter at all.

For example, the literal second thing we learn about her is that she is known for thinking of “sardonically icy things to say” while dramatically pinching the bridge of her nose, as if in pain, at students she’s disciplining. What a friggin’ drama queen. High and mighty, hoity toity, whatever you want to call it, it doesn’t fly with me. Kids have feelings too. Though off-topic it had to be said.

Back to Liza! She gets suspended for failing to tattle – obviously – but lo and behold, this leads to another meetup with Annie because her 3 day suspension aligned ever-so perfectly with Thanksgiving break (for our international friends, T-giving is on the 4th Thursday in November each year, so most students get the Friday after off as well). During this time, the two share their first kiss, and though panic ensues for Liza, Annie reveals she has already processed most of these feelings of discovery because she previously had a romantic experience with another girl. Note: Annie has not fully processed these feelings.

Over time we get to know the characters as individuals and as a “couple”, hiding their feelings in fleeting touches and romantic paraphrases from Plato. Though they are supportive of one another’s journey, they also experience some tension. The inherent need to make a physical connection with each other never reaching the same pinnacle for themselves as it is for the other. Reaching out one minute, and drawing back the next.

We watch as they fail to take each other’s feelings into consideration, before promptly realizing their mistake and apologizing. And eventually, we are given a light at the end of the tunnel. A location of true security where the two can meet, and kiss, and hold one another without scrutiny.

Enter: The Definitely-Not-Lesbians

Ms. Isabelle Stevenson (Grey’s Anatomy, who?), or Iza, and Ms. Katherine Widmer, or Kah, are definitely not Lesbians who live together as grown-ass women. Now one could say they live together because they are close friends and fellow teachers at Liza’s private school, Foster Academy. Perhaps they don’t make enough to own their own homes. Mmm, yes, all plausible in the eyes of a youth in the 1980’s, but to 13-year-old me? In 2005? Hell nah.

I may never have kissed a girl (back then) and I may have never lived with a girl (back then), but I could certainly sniff out lesbos in hiding any time, any place (still can). Ms. Stevenson religiously wears a pageboy for god-sakes! That’s more of a sign than any of the 2000’s fedoras or the beanies and snapbacks that haunted the 2010’s. These hats scream homosexuality given the right circumstances, and with Iza standing tall, blonde, and intimidating, it only adds to her lesbian aura.

Ms. Widmer on the other hand, is only described as prematurely grey. What with Ms. Stevenson being introduced to us first, and me pegging her for a fellow homo, the second I found out they lived together I pictured Ms. Widmer sharing similar features with Stacy London.

The teachers share a rowhouse (yes, an actual house) in Cobble Hill, New York City with two cats, who I’m sure are blissfully unaware of their mothers’ inclinations. Those two cats ended up being the key to Annie and Liza’s freedom though, because Ms. Stevenson and Ms. Widmer were going out of town, so we thank them for their service.

As soon as our two leads entered the house to begin their cat-sitting duties I just knew we would finally see Annie and Liza thoroughly explore their feelings with one another. Though stunted at first by the casual domesticity they could finally envelope themselves in, and then next by their inability to communicate what they both wanted, the girls finally cave and explore one another’s… caves? (UGH, I know, I kind of regret writing it, too.)

Nancy does an amazing job at alluding, because that’s all we get! Rightfully so, since this is a YA novel, and it was published in 1982, but still. Re-reading this as an adult made me want more. And yet, there was a simple beauty about it.

“I remember so much about that first time with Annie that I am numb with it, and breathless.”

Liza, “present” day

The Beginning ends

After finding out that Ms. Stevenson and Ms. Widmer ARE in fact lesbians (gasp, who could have predicted this), the girls get distracted and take the risk of getting intimate one more time not too long before the adults are due home. Like all classic stories of closeted lesbians, their carefully guarded secret is exposed when (fucking) Sally and Ms. Baxter, a Foster Academy administrator high off her Bible quotes and bigotry, barge into the home.

Though Sally doesn’t stray far from the front door, fully shook at her now ex-friend’s state of undress and choice of company, Ms. Baxter is on a witch-hunt of epic proportions when she runs up the stairs to snoop through Ms. Stevenson and Ms. Widmer’s bedroom. In the midst of that chaos, our favorite not-lesbians-oh-wait-lesbians arrive home and immediately figure out what happened.

Over the course of the end of the book Liza is forcibly outed to her family and put on trial in front of the school’s board thanks to Ms. Dexter’s testimony. Though she escapes punishment, Ms. Stevenson and Ms. Widmer aren’t as lucky. The two are fired from their jobs and are forced to move.

Any adult would be rightfully upset at the two teens for not only outing their relationship, but also getting them fired. And yet, the two teachers are very supportive and go out of their way to reassure Liza that they would be fine. Even going as far to encourage her to not lose Annie. However, those encouragements don’t make it very far, as we see the girls go their separate ways to colleges on different coasts.

The book picks up, “present day” where Liza has been attending MIT for almost a full semester. She attempts to write Annie a letter, but instead decides to call her. The serendipitous call comes right when Annie is offered a plane ticket to Boston for the next day. We’re parted from the book, at last, when they freely offer “I love you’s” to one another, expressing excitement at the prospect of finally reuniting.

The relief I felt when they finally truly accepted their love for one another was euphoric. I’ve been free from my closet for over 17 years, but I still remember the joy of openly loving someone for the first time. My heart was once again filled with excitement for them as I closed the cover and took a deep breath.

Annie on My Mind is still a work of art. Re-reading this, and experiencing Annie and Liza’s story again even inspired Renny to read it for the first time. And I am happy to report that they love the book just as much, even going as far as to say they wish they had been able to read it when they were as young as I was the first time. I sincerely hope you found this story as fulfilling as we did, and we would love to hear what you have to say.

Let us know down in the comments what you rated Annie on My Mind.

The show tackles complex issues like identity, relationships, and acceptance, often using the concept of Gem fusion as a metaphor for these themes. For example, Garnet, a fusion of two female-presenting Gems in love, represents a powerful metaphor for queer relationships. The fusion of Steven and Connie into Stevonnie, an intersex, non-binary character whose gender is described as “an experience“, further pushes boundaries around gender and identity. The idea of different Gems coming together to form something new and powerful speaks to the importance of collaboration and understanding in relationships, whether they be romantic, platonic, or familial. While it’s true that the show never explains why there are no male Gems besides Steven, this minor frustration is easily overshadowed by the show’s many strengths.